I’ve recently received two emails from the company GUNS.COM who call themselves “Purveyors of Freedom.” The company wants me to buy a gun online and urges me to peruse the thousands of handguns, rifles, and shotguns on their website.

“Sick of tracking down the paperwork required to complete the purchase? Not to worry—buying a gun online is simple with GUNS.COM,” the site says. Over 30,000 firearms in stock. By now, pay later. Fast shipping. Or I can join an auction to cop a nice used firearm for a reduced price. Don’t worry about the paperwork. GUNS.COM will take care of all that bother.

If I wanted a gun, which I don’t, I wouldn’t buy it from an online company like GUNS.COM. Sounds to me like a covert government operation to find out who’s buying and for what reason. At least that’s my hope. It would be good to believe the FBI or CIA is protecting me from crazies out there with automatic weapons.

Curious, I scrolled down to “Radical Firearms,” especially the RF-15. Now, which online seller did I patronize who sold my email to GUNS.COM, and what made said seller think I’d be interested in a RF-15? It’s a semi-automatic rifle that weighs 8.8 pounds and holds 30 rounds. The description says the “5.5mm AR rifle uses MIL-STD upper and lower receivers along with our 15” RPR free float rail system for increased accuracy, keeping hands cool and giving you room for accessories.” Accessories? Like what?  Laser optics? Speed loaders? Rails and grips—whatever they are?

There are more specs, but I didn’t comprehend any of them. And this puppy can be yours for an economic $380, marked down from $650. A real bargain. But I can’t help but wonder—do gun buyers know the “rule of three” universal guidelines for preventing firearm accidents? Point in a safe direction, keep finger off trigger, keep unloaded. And do they know the tactical principle for self-defense? Encounters happen within three yards, last about three seconds, and involve roughly three shots (according to the internet).

Now, I’m aware that drug deals happen everywhere, even in my small, rural Vermont town. Maybe it’s my propensity for writing fiction that has me imagining what I’d do if a drug dealer approached my house. By mistake, of course, because neither my husband nor I look like how I imagine a drug patron would appear. The dealer would have the wrong address. It happens in these parts. If he drew a gun, even though I practice tai chi, he’d have to get within arm’s length for me to try a maneuver on him. My tai chi instructor says it’s safer to run, but run where? I wouldn’t want him shooting up my house with that RF-15.

I have a Daisy BB gun I use for shooting at squirrels that raid the birdfeeder, but to draw a BB gun on a fellow with a “radical firearm” would probably incite him into pulling the trigger. BLAM! No more me.

No, the thing to do is speak calmly, offer a home-baked cookie, and direct him down the road leading deep into the national forest. Then call 911.

So no, I’m not buying a firearm from GUNS.COM. And neither should you. If you’re approached by a person with a gun and manage not to get shot, report the incident to your sheriff, your state police, your state and local representatives. Write a letter to your local paper. Write a blog. Like this one.

I wish you peace and safety.